Chapter 15: How To Handle Resistance And Solve Problems
“One can stand still in a flowing stream, but not in the world of men.” ~Japanese Proverb
This chapter is a fairly short one…for the most part, it builds on two main topics which have been mentioned previously. They are persuading through agreement (rather than adversity) and flexibility.
The first topic simply means that, in an argument, you are willing to use the power of rapport and agreement to understand another person’s point of view then respectfully lead them in the direction that favors your own view. It’s also called an agreement frame which includes three main phrases:
“I appreciate and…”
“I respect and…”
“I agree and…”
An example of effective use of these phrases would be this: “I respect the intensity of your feelings about this and I think if you were to hear my side of it you might feel differently.” Nowhere in that phrase were you disagreeing, disrespecting, or undermining the opinion of the other person. THAT is they key to successfully persuading. I mean, just think about it. If you someone was trying to persuade you to believe in what they were saying, would you be more willing to consider their side if they did it in a disrespectful, degrading manor? Of course not! Their chances of persuading you go up the more they show mutual respect and willingness to see things from your perspective!
PERSUADING THROUGH AGREEMENT…it’ll work wonders on your significant other!
The second main topic of flexibility goes hand in hand with persuasion through agreement (and any other communication tools for success.) Flexibility with persuasion through agreement is this: If you find yourself unable to persuade someone to believe in your words, even after agreeing with theirs, DON’T GIVE UP.
Use your insight about the topic at hand and the other person to change up your method a little. Use your other tools of successful communication to tweak how you’re leading them into the direction that favors your opinion. Remember, we are all different in how we respond to adversity or unlike opinions so take the time to slow down and read the other person carefully then reevaluate how you might get them to agree with your opinion while still keeping their opinion valid. FLEXIBILITY IS KEY TO BEING A SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATOR.